Monday, May 29, 2006

Be Strong, Honey…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

How A Child Thinks of His/Her Daddy At Different Ages

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! It’s becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years
My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage. Realise the true value of your parents before it’s too late.

Boys Are Naughty

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, Lets start with the boys first.

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.”

Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said, “Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.”

Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.

Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.

This continues... and the last boy stands up “Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

Exhausted, the teacher said, “I don’t think I will be able to teach ungrown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please.”

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.

Teacher: Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.

Second girl: I’m Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.

Teacher: Now it’s like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl. Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class: Ma’am, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

Family Problems

Once two men sat in a bar drinking. The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."

The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine. I married a widow having a young daughter. My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems!"

Extra Marital Affairs

The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 5th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Remember The RMS Titanic?


Length: 882 feet, 8 inches/268 metres
Gross tonnage: 46,328 tons
Net tonnage: 24,900 tons
Total capacity: 3547 passengers and crew, fully loaded
Decks: 9 in total (counting the orlop deck) the boat deck, A, B, C, D, E, F, G and below G boiler rooms.
Beam: 92.5 feet/28 meters
Height: 60.5 feet waterline to Boat Deck, 175 feet keel to top of funnels.
Depth: 59.5 feet
Draft: about 34 feet
Engines: 2 reciproctating 4 cylinder, triple expansion, direct - acting, inverted engines: 30,000hp 77 rpm. 1 low pressure Parsons turbine: 16,000hp 165rpm
Propellers: 3 ; Center turbine: 17 feet ; Left/Right wings: 23 feet 6 inches
Boilers: 29 (24 double ended boilers and 5 single ended boilers)
Furnaces: 159 providing a total heating surface of 144,142 sq. feet
Steam pressure: 215 P.S.I.
Watertight compartments: 16, extending up to F deck
Lifeboat davits: 14 double acting Welin's with Murrays disengaging gear
Lifeboats: 20 total as follows:
14 wood lifeboats each 30’0" long by 9’1" by 4’0" deep with a capacity of 65 persons each
2 wood cutters 25’2" long by 7’2" by 3’0" deep with a capacity of 40 persons each
4 Englehardt collapsible boats 27’5" by 8’0" by 3’0" deep with a capacity of 47 persons each
Lifeboat Total Rated Capacity: 1,178 persons
Personal floatation devices: 3560 life jackets and 49 life buoys
Fuel requirement: 825 tons of coal per day
Water consumption: 14,000 gallons of fresh water per day
Top Speed: 23 knots

Things My Mom Taught Me

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My Mom taught me about INDIVIDUALISM.
"I bet if all your friends jumped off a bridge, you would too!

My Mom taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."

My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mom taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mom taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!"

My Mom taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about!"

My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mom taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mom taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My Mom taught me about WEATHER.
"It looks like a tornado swept through your room!"

What Is A Friend?

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch..

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

What Is Marriage?

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

The Politician

I remember the story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession.

Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.

What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey.

"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!"

Governance System

As a daily habit, litte Johnny was reading the newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, "Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System'?"

"Its like...", father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home which means I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?”

That day Johnny slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matresses so he was crying.

Johnny went to wake-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Johnny went to the maid's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Johnny, "Hey Johnny! You understood the 'Governance System'?".

Johnny replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man Is suffering!"

7 Ways To Put A Smile On Somebody Else’s Face

1. Write an encouraging note to others that have encouraged you or that need encouragement. Handwritten notes that are given to encourage, not just for thanking someone for a gift, are rare. That makes handwritten notes even more special. Start a new practice of sitting down and writing an encouraging note on a regular basis. You just might start an epidemic!

2. Take a friend out to lunch or invite her to your home for a meal. You will get to know each other even better than you do right now. If you feel like being more adventurous, throw a party for several of your friends and put smiles on a multitude of faces.

3. Give someone an inspirational book to read. You will feel good doing it, reading the book will change the person, and they will think of you every time they read it.

4. Ask a friend or relative if you can take care of their kid(s) for a day or evening. If you have been a parent, you know the value of being able to have a few hours of `adult time` without worrying about the children. Don't wait to be asked to baby-sit when it is required. Offer to do it at a time when the parent can do something fun and relaxing.

5. Deliver a meal to someone you know that is sick or having a rough time. We have all been sick and know the last thing you want to do is be out of bed. There are also times when life is tough and it is hard to do all of the daily chores. You can be a tremendous help by providing a meal that can be enjoyed.

6. Volunteer time to supporting your local church or charity. Every minute you dedicate to a church or charity will cause many smiles. You will put a smile on the face of each leader just for helping without being asked. You will also be putting smiles on the faces of those that are being helped through the organization.

7. Thank everyone that supports you throughout the day. The list of those that you come in contact with is endless. Remember family and friends, secretaries, co-workers, teachers, Sunday school teachers, pastors, store employees, janitors, gas station attendants, those that deliver your mail and newspaper, and servers at restaurants.


A little intelligence test for you - no cheating. Some of these questions are from an MBA entrance test. There are 10 questions DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating. Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference.

Good Luck.

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken?

3. I went to bed at eight 8 'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine 9 'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm?

4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?

6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?

7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear?

8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?

9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?

10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later,What's the name of the driver?

. .
. . .
. . . .
. . . . .
. . . .
. . .
. .


1. All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2. 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour.
3. 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4. 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5. 9 live sheep.
6. The match.
7. White.
8. 2 apples.
9. None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10. You are the driver.

Grading Scale (out of 10)
10 .........Genius
9............Mensa Member
7............University Student
6............High school pupil
5........... Primary school pupil
4........... School Teacher
3........... University Professor
2........... FDA Investigator
1........... Member of Congress
0........... Why were you born?

The Other Woman

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.


She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later...”

Chicken And Egg Debate Unscrambled

from this source

Egg came first, 'eggsperts' agree

LONDON, England -- It's a question that has baffled scientists, academics and pub bores through the ages: What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Now a team made up of a geneticist, philosopher and chicken farmer claim to have found an answer. It was the egg.

Put simply, the reason is down to the fact that genetic material does not change during an animal's life.

Therefore the first bird that evolved into what we would call a chicken, probably in prehistoric times, must have first existed as an embryo inside an egg.

Professor John Brookfield, a specialist in evolutionary genetics at the University of Nottingham, told the UK Press Association the pecking order was clear.

The living organism inside the eggshell would have had the same DNA as the chicken it would develop into, he said.

"Therefore, the first living thing which we could say unequivocally was a member of the species would be this first egg," he added. "So, I would conclude that the egg came first."

The same conclusion was reached by his fellow "eggsperts" Professor David Papineau, of King's College London, and poultry farmer Charles Bourns.

Mr Papineau, an expert in the philosophy of science, agreed that the first chicken came from an egg and that proves there were chicken eggs before chickens.

He told PA people were mistaken if they argued that the mutant egg belonged to the "non-chicken" bird parents.

"I would argue it is a chicken egg if it has a chicken in it," he said.

"If a kangaroo laid an egg from which an ostrich hatched, that would surely be an ostrich egg, not a kangaroo egg."

Bourns, chairman of trade body Great British Chicken, said he was also firmly in the pro-egg camp.

He said: "Eggs were around long before the first chicken arrived. Of course, they may not have been chicken eggs as we see them today, but they were eggs."

The debate, which may come as a relief to those with argumentative relatives, was organized by Disney to promote the release of the film "Chicken Little" on DVD.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Work at Home Business

Work at home businesses are for those people who would like to earn extra cash and get some income while they are at home. The advantages of work at home businesses include:
* being able to work comfortably because you are at home
* there is no need to make do with the strict and rigid rules in some workplaces
* you can work while lounging in your favorite sofa
* you can work while eating anything you like and drinking your favorite concoction
* you can work at your own pace. There is no need to bother with working regular hours.
* you get extra income. This works well especially for those people who are not satisfied and content with their meager earnings.

There are many work at home business opportunities. In fact, you can even make one up yourself. The thing you need to do is think what are your interests or what can you exactly do. Then you can start developing your work at home business from there. Or you can also try searching the Internet to get more ideas.
* If you are interested in teaching, then maybe you can hold tutorials at your home.
* If you are interested in dogs, maybe you can have your own dog styling or dog care services.
* If you have a good hand at baking, maybe you can bake some things and sell them later on.

The Internet holds a lot of great ideas on work at home businesses. Really. The choices are endless. Aside from ideas, there also are plenty of tips and tricks on having your own work at home business.

Take Care Of Your Skin While Sunning

1. Protect your skin and eyes are much as possible. Put on a wide-brimmed hat. Bring a sarong. Bring your sunglasses and make sure they have UV protection.

2. Do not overdo it. A natural tan takes 24 hours to 48 hours to develop. The perfect tan is not sun burn. It is not the same thing.

3. Apply sunscreen some 20-30 minutes before going out. This gives your skin the chance to absorb it.

4. The first spots to burn include the top of your shoulders, the feet, and behind the ears. Do not forget to put sunscreen on these spots. Just because your swimwear covers some skin does not mean that the sun does not get to those parts. Put sunscreen on these parts too.

5. Doing swimming or any sweaty outdoor sports could make your sunscreen much thinner. If you are doing these kinds of activities, reapply every two hours.

6. 10am to 3pm are the worst times. It is when UV rays are striking greatest. Try to avoid these parts.

7. Put at least 15 SPF sunscreen all the time.

8. After getting enough sun, apply after-sun lotion. This calms and smooths the skin.

The Alphabet of Style

A – Attitude
Attitude speaks louder than style. It is what you would be needing to present and carry yourself. It is also what you need to be able to project the kind of image that you want other people to see.

B – Bags
Timeless bags could be worth much. However, they do not go out of style! No matter how long, no matter what generation, there are bags that do not, I repeat, do not, get out of style. Try Hermes or Chanel bags.

C- Contrast
Contrasting colors is a great way to make dull and drab things look exciting. Pair up bargain thingies with your luxurious ones. Who cares, right?

D – Drainpipes
Skin-tight drain-pipes are staples of some people’s wardrobe. Who knows? It might be yours as well.

E – Exotics
Play with textures with the use of exotic materials. Anytime of the year. Stockpile python, ostrich, crocodile, or alligator shoes, bags, belts, and wallets.

F – Fur
Fur will never go out of style.

G – Goyard
It is the French brand. And it is the zenith of chichness. Know who are Goyard fans? Try the Duchess of Windsor, Karl Lagerfeld, Jessica Simpson, and Madonna.

H – Hermes Scarf
Timeless. Effortlessly elegant. It is guaranteed to provide some extra chic factor. No matter how you use it.

I – Internet
You can shop online. Yes. Try them out.

J – John Galliano
He is one of fashion’s most influential and undisputed stars. He has highly addictive pieces.

K – Kitsch
Be fun. Be frivolous. Be kitchy!

L – Lipgloss
Glossy lips are the best way to go. Never be caught in public without lipgloss on. Let your lips be shiny and glossy.

M – Marc by Marc Jacobs
They can be used in any kind of purpose. Try them out.

N – Nars
Exotic. Yet trendy.

O – Oversized sunglasses
Be like your favorite Hollywood actress. Put these on.

P – Pique Polo
It is a wardrobe basic.

Q – Quirky details
No matter how much trivial they may seem to be, they make the whole look greater!

R – Roger Vivier
Parisian shoemaker. Very fashionable.

S – Stockholm
The capital of Scandinavian cool. One of the most stylish cities.

T – Tabloid Chie
Try becoming one of your stars. Of course, never try to imitate. You’ll only look well… hope you get what I mean.

U – Urban Outfitters
Hip. Trendy. The youth culture. Disposable statements.

V – Vintage
They just get better through time.

W – White
No matter what you do, no matter where you are, white is still in.

X – X Factor
Your own brand of chic.

Y – Yves Saint Laurent
The finest French ready-to-wear.

Z – Zara
The Spanish brand. The ultimate cure for fashion famine.

How to Adopt

Thinking about adopting?

In the United States, there are four steps that a couple or interested parties would have to follow in order to adopt a child, or children for that matter.

1. Obtain from birth parents the legal consent. This could be done through court termination of parental rights. Although there are some states that have laws that actually allow licensed agencies to do this part. They give these agencies the right to take the consent from the birth parents. And this is processed through an administrative procedure.

Important thing to remember: Before such a consent is done, birth parents should be well informed of their rights. They should also have full knowledge of what they are actually doing.

2. Preparation and assessment of the adoptive parents. This process is called the home study or adoption study. What happens in this stage is that the licensed agency or the licensed adoption social worker would actually assess whether a person or a household is actually able to be a parent to the child. They should be emotionally, financially, and physically able to do the responsibilities of being a parent. Assessed are the adopting parents’ stability, maturity, physical health, mental health, quality of their relationship with other people and within themselves, values, beliefs, and the kind of parenting that they received as children.

3. Transfer of background information from the birth parents to the adoptive parents. This information includes the important and relevant medical history, social history as well as genetic history. These are vital pieces of information for when the child grows up and matures, these are actually needed by the child and it is part of their legal rights to acquire such information. For most states, these pieces of information are required to be transferred and given in written form.

4. Provision of supportive, or follow up, services after the child has started to live in the new house. However, it should also be prior to the legal adoption. This is period that ranges and varies from three months to a whole year. Evaluation of the child’s adjustment is included in this stage. This is later on used as the basis of the final recommendation if the adoption would be made legal.

Guten Tag

That’s good day to you in Germany.

Aside from this country being the area and location of the BMW headquarters, this country has also a lot to offer.

Official Name: Federal Republic of Germany
Capital: Berlin
Meaning of Name: from Latin word ‘Germanus’. Possibly of Celtic origin. Means ‘neighbor’ or ‘brother’.
Coat of arms: Weimar Republic arms readopted in 1950.
Flag: Three equal horizontal stripes of black, red, and gold.
Anthem: Das Lied der Deutschen (Song of Germany)
Climate: Western regions mostly temperate with year-round precipitation; mild weather in the northwest; eastern regions mainly continental, drier; hotter summers and colder winters in the east and southeast
Major language: German (official)
Ethnic groups: German, Turk, Yugoslav, Italian
Major Religions: Protestantism, Roman Catholism
Major cities: Berlin, Hamburg, Munich, Cologne, Essen, Frankfurt am Main, Dortmund, Dusseldorf, Stuttgart, Leipzig, Dresden, Hanover, Chemnitz, and Magdeburg

Georgia On My Mind

If the state of Georgia was to write and fill up its own slumbook, perhaps, this is what it would be writing down:

Nickname: Empire State of the South

Motto: Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation / Agriculture and Commerce (1776)

Song: ‘Georgia on My Mind’. Words by Stuart Gorrel. Music by Hoagy Carmichael.

Capital: Atlanta

Land Use: Crops – 19%; Pasture – 5%; Forest – 64%; Other – 12%

Flag: It had a vertical blue stripe on the left side and three horizontal stripes (one white and two red) on the right. The state coat of arms was added to the blue stripe in 1905, and in 1956 the horizontal stripes were replaced by the Confederate battle flag, a red field with crossed blue and white stripes bearing 13 white stars.

Seal: The seal of Georgia was adopted in 1798, and the only modification since has been to change the date from 1799 to 1776. one side shows an arch with three pillars and the words Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation. The arch is engraved with “Constitution”. The design symbolizes the state constitution supported by the legislative, judicial, and executive branches of the government. A soldier under the arch represents the readiness of Georgia’s militia to defend these principles. The other side of the seal has the motto “Agriculture and Commerce” and an illustrative scene.

Tree: Live Oak

Flower: Cherokee Rose

Bird: Brown Thrasher

Places of interest:
*Agrirama (historic rural village)
*Alexander H. Stephens State Park (antebellum home of vice president of the Confederacy)
*Amicalola Falls State Park (highest falls in the state)
*Augusta National Golf Club (site of annual international invitational Masters Golf Tournament
*Bethesda Orphans Home (oldest orphanage in the US)
*Black Rock Mountain State Park (mountain scenery)
*Brasstown Bald Mountain (highest piont in the state)
*Brunswick (fishing)
*Chickamauga and Chattanooga National Military Park (American Civil War battlefields)
*Clark Hill Dam, Cloudland Canyon State Park (scenic views)
*Crawford W. Long Museum (honors Dr. Long who first used ether as anesthetic)
*Dahlonega (United States mint)
*Elijah Clark Memorial State Park (water sports)
*Fort Benning (infantry training school)
*Fort Frederica National Monument
*Fort Mountain State Park (ancient fort)
*Fort Pulaski National Monument (brick fort)
*George Washington Carver State Park (beach)
*Georgia Veterans’ Memorial State Park (WW1 and WW2 museum)
*Jefferson Davis Memorial Park (Confederate museum)
*Kennesaw Mountain National Battlefield Park
*Kolomoki Mounds State Park (Indian mounds)
*Lookout Mountain Flight Park
*Marietta (National and Confederate cemeteries)
*Martin Luther King Jr. Center for NonViolent Social Change (gravesite)
*Midway Church
*New Echota Historic Site
*Ocmulgee National Monument
*Okefenokee Swamp (ecology and swamp life exhibits)
*Old Slave Market
*Old State Capitol
*Providence Canyons (scenery)
*Raduim Springs
*St. Simons Island (beach)
*Savannah Beach (lighthouse)
*Seminole (fishing)
*Stephen C Foster State Park
*Tallulah Gorge (deep canyon)
*Tate (quarries of famous Georgia marble)
*Toccoa Falls (186-foot drop)
*Warm Springs (Little White House).

Flowers For You

Of course it is one wonderful thing to have a beautiful garden. But I know it does take a lot of time and a whole lot more of effort so as to be able to have a garden that would take the ahhs and the ohhs of people who see it.

But you can always do some deciding first. As per what kind of garden you would like to have. Not all gardens need to hold flowers, that I tell you. Here are some types of gardens. You could choose among them.
* Flower gardens
* Vegetable gardens
* Herb gardens
* Rock gardens
* Roof gardens
* Organic gardens
* Water gardens
* Public gardens

Now, since flower gardens seem to be the most popular among everything else, here are a couple of flowers that you could plant depending on the season.

* Annuals need plenty of sun. However, there are a few that could thrive in just a light shade. This include ageratum, balsam, browallia, cleome, cornflower, dahlia, impatiens, larkspur, lobelia, lupine, mignonette, nemophila, nicotiana, pansy, salvia, snapdragon, sweet alyssum, torenia, vinca, viola, and wishbone flower.

* Annuals also do require plenty of moisture. But worry not for these flowers could thrive happily even in soil that is dry or hot: arctotis, california poppy, coreopsis, cornflower, cosmos, four o’clock, gaillardia, ice plant, petunia, pimpernel, portulaca, salvia, statice, verbena, and zinnia.

* These annuals actually could survive light freezes and they could also be sown and planted in the fall: alyssum, calendula, california poppy, cadytuft, china-aster, cornflower, larkspur, lupine, mignonette, pansy, petunia, poppy, scabiosa, sweet pea, and viola.

* Now here are the perennials. They have a short blooming period but are considered to be the most beautiful of all flowers. Here are some: bleeding heart, chrysanthemum, columbine, day lily, dwarf iris, english daisy, foxglove, goldentuft, hibiscus, peony, rock cress, sweet william, virginia bluebell, and wood phlox.

The Life of Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I certainly do like the stories and literature that Gabriel Garcia Marquez writes. Do you know One Hundred Years of Solitude? Well, if you do, then he is the culprit behind that.

Tell you the truth, I honestly do not like the way he writes his literature. They are too deep for me. However, I do like the shortened versions. Those that show just the gist and the important information of his creations. Don’t get me wrong. He writes beautiful stories.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez was born in 1928, the 6th of March to be exact, in Aracataca, Colombia. He studied journalism in the National University of Colombia as well as in the University of Cartagena. He worked in newspaper offices as a journalist. He also served as a foreign correspondent in Rome and in Paris for Bogota’s El Respectador. He also held jobs like a screenwriter, and publicist. He won the Nobel prize for literature in 1982.

His works, you may ask?
* One Hundred Years of Solitude (1967) – recounts the history of the fictional Colombian village of Macondo and its founders
* Leaf-storm and Other Stories
* No One Writes to the Colonel and Other Stories
* Autumn of the Patriarch
* Chronicle of a Death Foretole
* Love in the Time of Cholera

Nap Time

Did you know?

Well, according to an article I read at Readers’ Digest, there is this store in the Mall of America, found in Minnesota. Do you know what this store sells? Well, it sells you the time for you to catch some shut eye. Oh yes. Nice service, huh.

If you think this is the first of its kind, think again. Because if you go back to 2004, you would know that in New York City, there is another store just like this one and it is called MetroNaps. And there is already a branch in Vancouver, Canada. And the company plans to add more soon enough. Let’s take some winks shall we?

This store in Minneapolis is called the MinneNAPolis. Fine name, I may add.

Blind Man In A Bar

A blind man enters a blondes bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

“One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

“Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

“Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

“Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

“Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude!

“Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Eleven People And A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As so on as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands…

What Number Are You?

If you were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month You are number 1...
If you were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then You are number 2...
If you were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then You are number 3...
If you were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then You are number 4...
If you were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then You are number 5...
If you were born on the 6th,15th, 24th of any month then You are number 6...
If you were born on the 7th,16th, 25th of any month then You are number 7...
If you were born on the 8th,17th, 26th of any month then You are number 8...
If you were born on the 9th,18th, 27th of any month then You are number 9...

Number 1
You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest, jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authoritive, famous person...always want to be and regarded as first on people position,they are often like to be independent, will never be under others, self confident people! You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the localshop to the heart of the parliament because you are possitive and well tallented in numerous issues!! But in yourlife you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behaviour you will be hated by some people too... Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...
Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7.

Number 2
No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the Moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. you are a person who day dream a lot, you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication. Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge you can predict the situation.. You will become poets, writers, any artistic business people! You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get marry.. If you r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole family.If you r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of your family...You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision, a power behind the scenes, well balanced People! Your best match is 2, 5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !

Number 3
You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. so wherever you go always you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get anything without hard work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them. You do set so many examples to others. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitud! e then here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others. Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. You will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow. You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition focused, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world! Your best match 6, 9. Good match 1, 3 , 5 !

Number 4
You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough wordpower..Might put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost)at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don't know what to do.. So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!! Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing.. but you will be unemployed.. or will do very ordinary jobs. But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too.. You are radical, patient, persistent, a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order... Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, 7!

Number 5
You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are aperson who does anything when your head thinks lets do this". You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humour, you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tendto go for other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity.. You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher! Your best match 1, 2, 9. Good match 6, 8!

Number 6 are born to enjoy.. You dont care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very good in either education or workwise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveble by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kinda looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family & friends . If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgement, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further... Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5!

Number 7
You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic,very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above. You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life. Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime. It's probably the Lord given you al! l sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue, ok? You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person. You are born to contribute lots to this world! Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1, 4!

Number 8
You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say "this is what". You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life. The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others. Well..once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and yo! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems such as : the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents. You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter! Your Best match 1, 4, 8. Good match 5!

Number 9 guys are the uncompatible people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally. You are often have big-aims. You will work hard and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life. But when you achieve what you have done, it's always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off. You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you. Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children. Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice. You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration. Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2.

7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life

1. Get in touch with your values:
When we feel like we are working hard but not getting anywhere it is probably because our priorities are not aligned with our values. To begin identifying your values ask yourself these questions:

* What is important to me? Wisdom, freedom, happiness, equality, security, self-respect, romantic love, money, power, comfortable living, fresh air, beauty, controlling others, etc. Rate these values.
* Who is important to me?
* What or who is most important? Be honest with yourself.
* What do I need to do to feel good about myself?
* How would you feel if someone you respect knew this was one of your values?
* Would you stick by this value?
* Is it who you are?
* How is this value affecting your life?

Make a list of your 10 top values. Of that 10 choose 4 and of the 4 choose your top two. From this exercise you will see where you need to focus your time and effort.

2. Decide what motivates you:
If tomorrow you knew you could do anything and not fail what would you do? Is there something you are passionate about but are afraid of trying? If you have no idea what your passion is spend some time reflecting on it. To start, write down the types of activities you like to do and the types of activities (hobbies) that make you feel good when you do them. What are your special skills and talents ? Don't be shy ? Usually if it's something we like to do we are probably good at it. What inspires you?

3. Set Goals:
In order to get what you really want you must start by setting goals. Goals fuel your intent and make your desires concrete. Start by writing the goals for this year in area of personal relationships, work, health, finances and spirituality. List five goals in each category (add more categories if you like). Then break them down into monthly and then weekly goals. Focusing on what you intend in your life will bring it to reality. You create your life ? So start now by setting your goals.

4. Take Action:
Goals are worthless without action. If you have written long-term and short-term goals and prioritized them, you have a plan of action. Just take it one step at a time and do something everyday that takes you closer to where you want to be. Remember however, to live in the present and be thankful for what you have now, enjoying the journey toward your goals.

5. Manage Your Time:
We all have the same amount of time to use in a day. Why do some people a lot done while others do very little? You have complete control of how much time you spend productively and how much you waste. Plan your days and prioritize your time to get the most out of the time you have. Use time-wasters like standing in line or waiting in a doctor's office to catch up on reading or something else that is important to you.

6. Do What Needs to be Done:
Do what has to be done to get to where you want to go. Whether it is a mundane task or internal work, putting it off gets us nowhere. You are either going forward or falling behind; there is no such thing as standing still. Sometimes when we work on ourselves we stop when we get to a place that we need to change. Change can be difficult when we have to step out of our comfort zone. The more change is needed the more difficult it is.

7. Self-discipline:
Self-discipline is the final step that takes all that we have learned and puts it into action. This is a trait that for most of us has to be developed. To reach our goals we must visualize them as already being accomplished and have faith that we can reach them. When you believe in and trust yourself and have enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.

Marriage Stories

Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady. And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night… Whether you're here or not."

Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever."

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."

Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either." And storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six’?”

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Preventing Computer Eye Strain

Step I:
After every 20 minutes of looking into the computer screen, turn your head and try to look at any object placed at least 20 feet away. This changes the focal length of your eyes, a must-do for the tired eyes.

Step II:
Try and blink your eyes for 20 times in succession, to moisten them.

Step III:
Time permitting of course, one should walk 20 paces after every 20 minutes of sitting in one particular posture. Helps blood Circulation for the entire body.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Old Couple

An elderly gent was invited to his old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms - "Honey," "My Love," "Darling," "Sweetheart," "Pumpkin," etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

Marriage Sayings

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Vacuum Cleaner Man

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!", exclaimed the eager salesman.

“Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"


The man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and a meadowlark sang.

But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, "God, speak to me"
and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But, the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you."
And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see.

And, the man shouted,
"God show me a miracle."
And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice.

So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man.

But, the man brushed the butterfly away ...
and walked on.

A New Kind Of Breast Cancer

In November, a rare kind of breast cancer was found. A lady developed a rash on her breast, similar to that of young mothers who are nursing.

Because her mammogram had been clear, the doctor treated her with antibiotics for infections. After 2 rounds, it continued to get worse, so her doctor sent her for another mammogram. This time it showed a mass.

A biopsy found a fast growing malignancy. Chemo was started in order to shrink the growth; then a mastectomy was perfor med; then a full round of Chemo; then radiation. After about 9 months of intense treatment, she was given a clean bill of health.

She had one year of living each day to its fullest. Then the cancer returned to the liver area. She took 4 treatments and decided that she wanted quality of life, not the after effects of Chemo. She had 5 great months and she planned each detail of the final days. After a few days of needing morphine, she died. She left this message to be delivered to women everywhere:
Women, PLEASE be alert to anything that is not normal, and be persistent in getting help as soon as possible.

Paget's Disease: This is a rare form of breast cancer, and is on the outside of the breast, on the nipple and aureole It appeared as a rash, which later became a lesion with a crusty outer edge. I would not have ever suspected it to be breast cancer but it was. My nipple never seemed any different to me, but the rash bothered me, so I went to the doctor for that. Sometimes, it itched and was sore, but other than that it didn't bother me. It was just ugly and a nuisance, and could not be cleared up with all the creams prescribed by my doctor and dermatologist for the dermatitis on my eyes just prior to this outbreak. They seemed a little concerned but did not warn me i t could be cancerous.

Now, I suspect not many women out there know a lesion or rash on the nipple or aureole can be breast cancer. Mine started out as a single red pimple on the aureole. One of the biggest problems with Paget's disease of the nipple is that the symptoms appear to be harmless. It is frequently thought to be a skin inflammation or infection, leading to unfortunate de lays in detection and care.

What are the symptoms?
1. A persistent redness, oozing, and crusting of your nipple causing it to itch and burn (As I stated, mine did not itch or burn much, and had no oozing I was aware of, but it did have a crust along the outer edge on one side.)

2. A sore on your nipple that will not heal. (Mine was on the aureole area with a whitish thick looking area in center of nipple).

3. Usually only one nipple is effected. How is it diagnosed? Your doctor will do a physical exam and should suggest having a mammogram of both breasts, done immediately. Even though the redness, oozing and crusting closely resemble dermatitis (inflammation of the skin), your doctor should suspect cancer if the sore is only on one breast. Your doctor should order a biopsy of your sore to confirm what is going on.

This message should be taken seriously and passed on to as many of your relatives and friends as possible; it could save someone's life.

My breast cancer has spread and metastasized to my bones after receiving mega doses of chemotherapy, 28 treatments of radiation and taking Tamaxofin. If this had been diagnosed as breast cancer in the beginning, perhaps it would not have spread...

A Poem

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
"And blood was everywhere,"
"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
For death was in the air.
"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loosen her pinned hands;
"She struggled to get free,"
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
"On where the back seat once had been,"
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
"She did not hear them cry, "
"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "
"Oh, God, don't let them die! "
Then firemen came and cut her loose, "
"But when they searched the back, "
"They found therein no little boys, "
But the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
"And was traveling alone, "
"But when they turned to question her, "
They discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
"In beseeching supplication, "
Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
"Their jeans are blue to match.""
"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "
And they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
"And gave them each a cone, "
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.
"I've searched the area high and low, "
But I can't find their dad.
"He must have fled the scene, "
"I guess, and that is very bad."
"The mother hugged the twins and said, "
"While wiping at a tear, "
"He could not flee the scene, you see, "
"For he's been dead a year."
"The cop just looked confused and asked, "
"Now, how can that be true? "
"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came "
"And left a kiss for you."
He told us not to worry
"And tha t you would be all right, "
And then he put us in this car with
"The pretty, flashing light. "
"We wanted him to stay with us, "
"Because we miss him so, "
"But Mommy, he just hugged us tight "
And said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
"And told us not to fuss, "
"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "
"He's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
"That what they spoke was true, "
"For she recalled their dad's last words, "
" I will watch over you."
The firemen's notes could not explain
"The twisted, mangled car, "
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.
"But on the cop's report was scribed, "
"In print so very fine, "
An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

Footprints In The Sand (New Edition)

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently.

You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked.

Your dream ends. Now you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

“When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."


"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated and this time it was worse than at first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

"You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"